Tuesday, September 15, 2015


To understand the Vietnam War or the will and inner strength of the Vietnamese people you must understand their history. Dominated by China for a thousand years the French set up shop in the late 1800's. In 1887 Paris formed French Indochina, it was ruled by a French governor responsible to the Ministries of the Colonies in Paris. Salaries consumed most of the colonial budget and little was left for education or public improvement yet Indo-China would prove to be France's richest colony. 

The Japanese arrive in Indo-China in 1940 and France, having its hands full with WWII, was in no position to object. It was Japan's 1941 move into the area that brought United States attention to the war. With Japan's long range bombers able to reach the Philippines the U.S. and other European countries imposed an embargo on scrap iron and oil to Japan. This decision caused Tokyo to embark on war with the U.S. 

After the surrender of Japan the French moved back into the southern half of Indo-China while the north was left vacant of any dominant government. The 16th parallel set forth by the 1945 Potsdam Agreement was the line of demarcation later known as the demilitarized zone or DMZ when moved to the 17th parallel. Ho Chi Minh seizing the opportunity moved into a vacated north declaring himself president of a free Vietnam. The French not sitting by idly would not relinquish their former colony without a fight. For Ho Chi Minh the war began in December 1945 following the shelling of Hai Phong Harbor by the French. Including American involvement, the fighting for Ho Chi Minh and the Vietnamese people would last another 29 years, the longest conflict in the twentieth century. 

Eventually the French growing war weary began slowing its pace leavinbhg a traumatized and ravished Indo-China on the world stage. The United Nations Commission for Asia and the Far East (ECAFE) initiated a project in 1957 to develop the area. The Mekong River Project would benefit 17 million people living along its 2,625 mile long length but had to be voted on. Only Burma and Democratic Republic of Vietnam (DRV-north) would reject the proposal. In total 26 nations would become involved in the project including the United States setting the stage for yet more intrusions by outside interests.

The 1954 the Geneva Conference ended the Indo-China War and set the 17 parallel as the new line of demarcation allowing Ho Chi Minh to establish a presence in the North while Emperor Bao Dai dominated the south. Bao Dai living the good life in France had no desire to return to a hostile Vietnam. He appointed Ngo Dinh Diem, a Catholic leader, to head the new government. Bao Dai believed the United States would back a Catholic leader as an alternative to communist Ho Chi Minh. He was right and on July 7, 1954 a new government was officially formed that technically encompassed all of Vietnam. Ho Chi Minh reluctant to recognize the new government called it a puppet regime of the U.S. and set the stage for the next 25 years of conflict.

Publicly President Eisenhower supported Diem by initiating the Southeast Asian Treaty Organization (SEATO), which included Vietnam. Secretary Dulles and Vice-President Nixon visited Vietnam and in 1957 Diem addressed a joint session of congress.

Dulles and Nixon's findings support a growing concern
over Communism as the problem gets turned over to
the Kennedy Administration.

Kennedy using this map as a power point presentation
drives home his concerns over a growing threat.

Diem proved to be less than accurate with U.S. finances and little was used to improve community development. He spent most of it in the cities and little on the working people where most of the population was concentrated. Between 1955 and 1960 less than 2% of U.S. aid to Saigon went to reform and opposition to Diem was growing in South Vietnam.

Kennedy having second thoughts about Diem increased Special Forces presence in Vietnam and sent Vice-President Johnson to evaluate the situation. In May, 1961, less than a week after Johnson's return Kennedy increased the size of the South Vietnamese army by 100,000 men. Being poorly trained and inadequate Kennedy also dramatically increased U.S. military presence in South Vietnam.

Growing tensions in the Diem government increased as Henry Cabot Lodge in cooperation with the CIA learned of a pending coup by Diem's generals. At the end of August 1963 Washington assured the Generals of its support as Kennedy publicly criticized Diem. Washington cut off finances to the Diem government and on November 1, 1963 a coup, that was both swift and accurate, murdered Diem and his staff. Diem's death began a period of political instability that would last a decade. Washington under President Kennedy had sanctioned a coup and thrust America into it's longest war to date.

Hanoi followed the political upheaval in the south with keen interest and at a time when the south was most vulnerable decided it was time to act. In 1963, changing its position drastically, Hanoi sent notherners to the south to equip the rebels with new Communist arms. The war was escalating and in March 1964 Secretary of State McNamara visited Vietnam and vowed support for the new government headed by Khanh. McNamara reported to President Johnson that 40% of the countryside was under Vietcong control. Johnson was now sending over $2 million a day and little of it went to public works. Again in June 1965 the South Vietnamese government collapses and a new military leader Nguyen Van Thieu took control.

America is becoming more and more restless with the
growing prospects of war and is not afraid to voice its opinion.

Publicly denouncing U.S. involvement in foreign affairs
America expresses it's opinion.

In July 1964 the U.S. Navy destroyer Maddox started a reconnaissance patrol off the coast of North Vietnam. At the same time in the same area covert operations, using small vessels manned by Vietnamese but under U.S. control, were to take place on North Vietnamese sites. Learning of this operation North Vietnam retaliated with an unsuccessful counter attack. On August 2 three North Vietnamese torpedo boats unsuccessful attacked the Maddox. President Johnson using this attack immediately ordered air strikes on North Vietnam. In congress he asked for and immediately got approval to begin retaliatory measures as The Tonkin Gulf Resolution was passed. Operation Pierce Arrow began its bombing campaign and war had begun. The Tonkin Gulf Incident was politically profitable for Johnson in the beginning and polls showed an overwhelming support for his handling of the situation. With no ships sunk or casualties incurred the U.S. was thrust into one of the longest, ugliest, and costly wars in its history.

The first U.S. combat troops arrive in South Vietnam in March 1965 to defend Da Nang airfield. U.S. Army troops soon follow and by the end of 1965 there are nearly a quarter of a million U.S. personnel in South Vietnam.

As the U.S. war machine began to flex it's muscles new
recruits were needed and the draft was instituted. This
began a long legal battle that questioned our very Constitution.
Here World Heavy Weight Champ Cassius Clay becomes a
Muslim and changes his name to Muhammad Ali. Siting
religious reasons he refuses to enter the military.

Ho Chi Minh, Uncle Ho as he was fondly called, was the
inspirational, religious, and military leader of North Vietnam.

As tensions and unrest grew a number of influential
celebrities began their own anti war movement. None
more controversial than Jane Fonda, better known as
Hanoi Jane, takes matters into her own hands. Fonda
actually went to North Vietnam and mocked the U.S.
war effort. Her legacy of sleeping with the enemy
follows her to this day.

The French imposed Catholicism on the Vietnamese as
did the U.S. and tried to convert as many Buddhists as
possible by disrupting their practice any way possible.
During U.S. involvement only 20% of Vietnamese
claimed to be Buddhism but secretly almost 80% of the
country were practicing Buddhism. Here, in objection
to Buddhist suppression, a Monk lites himself on fire
in self immolation.

The anti war movement growing in strength begins
to react in unison as Peace and Music come together
to create a happening. 1969 Woodstock Festival, NY

Other venues take on horrific scenes as the National
Guard opens fire on anti war demonstrators at Kent State
University in Ohio killing four.

As the war progresses horrific scenes of American
atrocities hits the world stage. Here Napalm victims
run for their lives as American bombers attack.

To aggravate the frustration of a defiant people the war
pits brother against brother. Here a South Vietnamese
Police Officer is caught executing a suspected Vietcong.

In 1975 the war draws to an end as countless civilians try to
escape the chaos. As the Communist storm Saigon
a bloodbath incurs and leaves the city defenseless.
This was the last American helicopter to leave the
American Embassy rooftop.



Sunday, November 2, 2014


I was a soldier but denounce that responsibility for what it's worth. Full of fire and brimstone with an attitude to match I killed for the ability to say I did just that. I live in the realm of the aftermath of duties I still don't understand. I live in a place where men don't feel safe and search for answers with primitive feelings then lash out because they don't understand. I live with false promises of answers and become angry because deep down inside I know I'll never really have them. We're flying by the seat of our pants without a guidebook and I feel I'm in a grey area of life. I don't see right and wrong anymore, I'm more about being different so I continue to search for answers knowing I will never know the truth. We've lost our way in this fad diet disposable world and we forget we're only tenants here. Hard work, really hard work, may be the only answer.  

The rest of my military career was one disaster after another. Spending the better part of a year in hospitals taking morphine and other narcotics to survive I became addicted to drugs. The drug and alcohol abuse caught up with me at West Point when I was arrested, put on trial, and spent the remainder of my military career locked up in prison. I was discharged from Fort Dix Stockade in September of 1970 a shell of the rough and tumble kid I once was.

I floundered for the next decade in and out of Veterans Hospitals trying to get a grip on my life. The drug and alcohol abuse continued with the help of my doctors that gave meds out freely. A bullet in my spine, medical abnormalities, and Agent Orange residuals kept my life at a stand still and ate away at my very core. Bouncing from job to job I was caught up in a systemic merry go round. I was running in place and watching my friends progress leaving me in the dust.

Reacurring nightmares, flashbacks, and anxiety plagued my life at ever level and was beginning to reflect in my children. For decades I struggled as a functioning psychotic and suppressed all connections to the war and the atrocities I had committed. Being sanctioned by the government was no justification, in fact it only instilled a deeper anger that I also suppressed. I hadn't slept a full night in decades.

The formulation and diagnosis of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) began a new era in the emotional history of our country. Vietnam, if for no other reason, brought new light to a generation of souls that were divided at birth. THE PTSD GENERATION, as I like to call it, created a great schism in this country and this division hadn't been seen since the great Civil War. I envied those souls that took a different road and struggled with life without the added burden of guilt or perhaps a guilt that was placed in a different direction that I couldn't see. I, on a personal level, could not interact with others knowing my guilt and self loathing for my actions was an obstacle. Suppressing my thoughts and feelings was the only way I could survive and I knew if I let it out I would start to cry  and never stop. I was wound up like a coil and I couldn't unwind so I buried it deeper and kept to myself.

A day came though that was unlike any other in my life and all was not what it seemed when I reached in and touched a place I hadn't seen before. For a fleeting moment I found myself and I scrambled to retain it but I knew I would need help. I was diagnosed with PTSD and given an explanation, not drugs just a simple explanation, and for the first time something made sense. It was small but I had something to build on. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but up until now nothing was ever easy so I went at it full force and I haven't stopped since. 

I calculated how many days I thought I would have in my life and came up with approximately 30,000. I was astonished at the figure because I thought I had millions. I calculated how many days I was in trauma and to my surprise the bad outnumbered the good and that was no longer acceptable. I decided that everything had to change and there was no turning back. Hard work, really hard work, was the only way for me and I hit the ground running. I constantly think about the number of days in my life fore and aft and each day I either give one away or I make the best of it. 

A period of rebuilding and nationalism during the '80's ushered in the Raegan years with a lull in the aggressive imperialism of previous decades. Recession, jobs, and national debt kept America busy as we kept our heads buried in the sand and our military at rest. It was the Soviets turn to fight for a change and we simply fed the fires with finances we didn't have. When the nineties rolled around so did war as American troops or boots on the ground as they were now called were pressed into service. Movies like "Hunt For Red October, Courage Under Fire, G I Jane, and Saving Private Ryan" just to name a few instilled the power and might of the U.S. in the forefront of the American psyche. 

Like the Vietnam War the Gulf War or Desert Storm was fought on TV in every household in America. General Schwarzkopf held nightly press conferences describing the technology of new Smart Bombs with accompanying videos of buildings, bridges, and infrastructure being destroyed. These press conferences were held with a light hearted attitude almost mocking the very essence of war. 

To me it was war at any level and the attitude at which it was handled sickened me to the point of regression. Half hearted comments laughingly accompanied each news conference even if the collateral damage included hospitals and schools. If I felt this way then perhaps others felt the same. I decided rather than regress I would do something about it and uncover the reality of war for the heinous monster that it is. I began THE ART OF WAR programs for educators and students alike and brought the reality of war to light.

Aggressively pushing my agenda on school districts during wartime was no an easy task yet the more I spoke the more I realized it was as much about me as it was for them. Having never spoken before in public my words took on a life of their own. Feelings and emotions I forgot I had surfaced with an intensity and passion I carried as a young man. My life had come full circle and I realized that getting up after you fall can only make you bigger and better than ever and I got up. The journey, as it is in all of us, is the story. The beginning and the end are just that and are always the same, it's life and death. The middle of the story is the heart of life and it lies within each of us as the human spirit. If I let it die then my story dies with it and so I think about those 30,000 days and decide each and every day to either give one away or make the best of it. 

CLICK:  http://vimeo.com/m/96372603

                                                         MEMORIAL DAY - 2014

As young men and women at war we felt life and death with an intensity that is beyond any civilian emotion, and we formed bonds, as soldiers, that do not exist in everyday life. We were forever changed and will forever stand apart, for war has left its footprint on us.

So how amazing is the spirit of man! In spite of numerous failings, he continues to sacrifice his life and all be holds dear for ideals, for faith in country, for honor, for basic human responsibilities. The ideals may change but the capacity for self sacrifice continues, and it is impossible to loose hope in him. For though he is a plaything of the gods, with his spirit and his mind he fights back firmly. You must remember that nothing that can happen is likely to trample man for long and for all the sorrow, and ills of life, there is also joy and beauty.

The only way to remember the past is to move forward and carry it with you. To all my fallen friends, today I honor you, tomorrow I move forward.

Thanks to the people of Southeast Asia I have learned a valuable lesson. Life is,
                                 SAME SAME, BUT DIFFERENT.

                                          THE END

A special thanks for quotes, text, pictures, and historical information from;
The National Veterans Art Museum,
The Encyclopedia of the Vietnam War,
The United States Government,
and all contributing artists, bloggers, photographers, and web sites.
For a full listing of contributing sites consult the REFERENCE page.

A special thanks to GOOGLE for making this possible.




My last adventure in Vietnam was a medevac helicopter ride stained with the blood of previous missions. Pilots were talking to the hospital, gunners were shooting, medics were trying to stop the bleeding, and escort aircraft were protecting anything with a big Red Cross on it. A symphony of man and machines came together to the rhythm of rotors trying to reverse the irreversible. Huey helicopter death machines once designed for killing now saved lives in the ebb and flo of war.

On January 11, 1964 Major Charles L. Kelly assumed command of the 57th Medicl Detachment (helicopter ambulance) and changed mobile rescue forever. His philosophy of putting the patient first, Americans and South Vietnamese, became the mantra for future mobile medical evacuation. Aggressively pushing his agenda for night evacuation he pioneered new and dangerous techniques in helicopter ambulance rescue.

Kelly fought an ongoing battle with both Washington and Saigon over the use of helicopters believing they should be of medical use only. Previously helicopters were of general use with removable Red Crosses that were put on only when needed for medical evacuation waisting both time and manpower. Kelly fought hard to keep his five Huey helicopters dedicated to his units primary mission. 

Some days the ground medics never took a brake and the skies over the 24th Evac were backed up with incoming choppers filled with wounded soldiers. These tireless workers played the middle man in a life saving chain of events as over 300,000 wounded Americans came through their caring hands.

Kelly's ace pilot, considered by many to be the best pilot of the Vietnam War, was Officer Patrick H. Brady. On January 5, 1968 Brady flew an incredible series of nine medevac missions in fog over the mountains of Chu Lai and received the Medal of Honor for heroism. By the time he finished his second tour of duty his resume also included Distinguished Service Cross and Distinguished Flying Cross with Five Oak Leaf Clusters. Flying his famous helicopter "Dust Off 55" the term became synonymous with medevac rescue for the remainder of the war. Instead of calling in a medevac helicopter soldiers would call in a "Dust Off." 

Life saving surgeries, amputees, and progressive new medical techniques were practiced in this room. The 24th Evac, considered by many to be the formost medical facility in the war, housed some of the most accomplished doctors in the world.

The 24th Evacuation Hospital (semimobile) found it's roots in Arkansas in July 1923 in the Reserves as Evacuation Hospital No. 24. By October 1, 1933 the 24th Evac was allotted to the Regular Army and later activated into service in June 1942 at Camp Rucker AL in preparation for the Eropean theater and WWII. Establishing itself as the premier Semimobile Unit of its time it moved into Occupied Germany for the rebuilding period and returned to the U.S. for deactivation at Fort Bennington GA. Activated and deployed again in 1966 for service to Long Binh Vietnam it remained as the center for medical treatment in Vietnam until the beginning of the U.S. pullout in 1972. 

Soft things, friendly aromas, and a white enviroment suggested I was dead and in a nice place. Soft voices, gentle hands, and the most beautiful face I had ever seen appeared in my peripheral vision as I opened my eyes. She spoke to me but I couldn't hear and focused on my senses that were working. I had to fight to remain conscious but then I drifted off. A month had pasted since my last conscious though and without my knowledge I was transported across the South China Sea to Camp Zama Japan. As far as I could determine I was alive. 

This piece of paper was the only means of identification I had and was pinned to my bandages. The document states four evacuees are to be transported to two different hospitals in Japan. Three of the for wounded are from my unit.
Highlights top to bottom:
On display in THE ART OF WAR exhibition.

Camp Zama's first hospital was built by the Japanese in 1940 with a capacity of 300 beds. It was enlarged to 1,000 beds during Japan's war effort and was called Sobudai-mai, Japanese Military Hospital. 

The 128th Station Hospital was activated in December 1942 at Camp Beale CA and headed for New Guinea and eventually the Phillippines. August 16, 1945 the hospital was attached to the 8th U.S. Army  unit and was part of a large invasion unit in Tokyo Bay that was never needed. On September 2, 1945 while the surrender was being signed the 128th battled a Typhoon and most of the hospital equipment was lost at sea. As General MacArthur first stepped foot on Japanese soil the 128th was the first unit to aid with American POW's. To give medical attention to the POW's the first medical facility was set up at Camp Zama. 

During the Korean War the 128th combined with the 141st General Hospital for the expected influx of casualties. By 1951 a total of 4,370 patients were admitted in one year to this 300 patient bed facility. Following the Korean War Camp Zama continued to serve U.S. military forces and aid the local Japanese civilians. 

During the early to mid sixties additional hospitals were joined together under one banner. The U.S. Army Medical Center become the U.S. Army Medical Command, Japan under the overall heading of 

Camp Zama medically treated and housed the critically wounded that were to delicate to make the long arduous trip back to the United States. I fell into the category of critically wounded and spent months undergoing numerous operations to put me back together. I was shot in seven places with shrapnel and blast residue imbedded throughout my body. Unable to walk, talk, or use the lower half of my body I remained wrapped like a mummy hanging from a circus like apparatus trying to work through my lastest adventure.

New Hope

Phnom Penh boasts 4.5 million people and during Pol Pot's reign of terror the city was empty along with most others. The most populated area were the army centers and Security Offices like S-21 where his murderous killers were busy slaughtering innocent people and one third of the population was either murdered or displaced. 

China was anxious to make a deal with Cambodia early in the sixties allowing infiltration of its border regions. The Viet Minh Regime of Ho Chi Minh backed Vietcong were next to stifle and inhabit the area giving the U.S. an excuse to proceed with bombing missions from the border to the outskirts of Phnom Penh. Finally genocide swept across every aspect of Cambodian life capping off almost two decades of death and destruction. 

To say it touched every life in Cambodia is an understatement. In the week I've been here every person I've met has a story of family members who have fallen victim to the genocide. Two generations later the aftermath of terror is still vivid in their minds and overflows with emotion while they still try to cope and understand. Why is certainly a question but more so is why do it to your own people. This was not an invasion of WWII politics or ethnic cleansing but a suicidal event of a society from within. I myself am trying to understand and visually see the slow methodical comeback of a once proud society in ruins.

So, a teacher in New Hope Cambodia, teaches students English.

New Hope Cambodia School is located in Mondul 3, one of the poorest slums in Siem Reap Province in central Cambodia. The village is made up of 500 families of old army personnel, sex workers, and displaced men, women, and children. There is no formal education in Mondul 3 or any kind of vocational training and living conditions are appalling. Food is scarce. This village of dysfunctional families losses countless men, women, and children to disease and famine. Often the children rely on the elderly to survive or fend for themselves. In order to survive many girls fall victim to sex trade and trafficking or die of sexually transmitted disease.

Kevin a CEO working for G Adventures, a Toronto Canada based company and proud sponsor of New Hope, brought me to New Hope under the guise of being taken out for dinner. Before dinner was to begin a group of us were given a tour of the facility and I was privileged to sit in on a classroom in session. After the lesson was over I got to interact with the students and before I knew it I was answering questions, just like in America, about my prior experiences during the war. Interestingly enough the questions were identical to what American students ask me a half world away. It was then I thought, after my Skyping session with the American students, wouldn't it be fantastic if the two classes could Skype each other and I could mediate with the teacher. I've since contacted an American school and been given the Ok. I will work on it when I return home.i

Selfie in an English class in New Hope Cambodia. No talking!

I showed the students where in America I live, looks like any classroom in America.

Meet "So", of course I can't pronounce his name. So, I call him So.
So has been with New Hope for 6 years.

From humble beginnings as a grass roots organization, New Hope has become an internationally respected non-government organization run by a local Khmer called Sot Suo Kemsour. Sot Suo realized education was pointless without good health and so New Hope adresses the daily issues of its local population by providing food and a health clinic. 100 emergency patients come through the clinic facility daily and are treated free of charge. Food and support for over 340 families and 100 malnourished babies come through the clinic monthly.

New Hope clinic treatment area.

Every morning this waiting room is filled with desperate people in need.

Finally my long awaited dinner that I was promised, but this would not just be any ordinary dinner not at New Hope. Recently New Hope opened a restaurant completely staffed by students learning the hospitality trade. Cooks, waiters, and hosts politely introduce themselves by name and serve both vegetarian and meat dinners accompanied by beverages of your choice. The dinner was absolutely delicious with the exception of the appetizers of saut├ęd beatles and bugs. There are benefits to being a vegetarian. 

The new New Hope Dining Room.

After two generations the aftermath of war and genocide is apparent in Cambodia more so than the other Endochina countries and the legacy lives on. Being a part of this world since I was a young man makes me vulnerable to compassion and guilt. It is without reservation that I say we played a role in creating this enviroment and it is without reservation that I say we owe a debt. If only the fact that we, along with the rest of the world, turned a blind eye to the genocide then that alone should be reason enough. Money, greed, power, and the Cold War were our justified reasons to be here then why not genocide. So, why not be here now?



Saturday, November 1, 2014


Ultimately suffering a worse tragedy than it's neighbors Cambodia was the last Indo-China nation to be drawn into the war in Southeast Asia. Surrounded by larger more powerful nations Cambodia historically has always had fears of being swallowed up by any one of a half dozen countries. Rimmed by mountains and hills on its borders it's heartland is a flat expanse of forests, fields, and grasslands watered by rivers and streams of the Mekong. River fishing and watered fields made Cambodians traditionally a well fed people during peacetime.

Angkor Kings ruled from the ninth to the fifteenth century but it was during the twelfth century that the kings converted to Buddhism. They built great temples in the shape of mountains which still stand today at Angkow Wat the religious capital of Cambodia. The dominant branch of Buddhism teaches that every person must seek his or her own enlightenment through meditation and it was this self enlightenment which made Cambodia appear  to be losing its national identity. France, while establishing colonial rule over Vietnam, made Cambodia a protectorate in 1864. Under it's rule it encouraged productivity in the region giving Cambodians a sense of worth and ruled for the next ninety years. Losing it's hold during WWII Japan seized the opportunity to expand and occupied Cambodia until it's ultimate downfall. At the 1954 Genva Convention Indo-China went through a regional upheaval and Norodom Saihanouk was given the title Chief of State of Cambodia. 

By the early 1960's Sihanouk was walking a fine line with all the major powers of the world. He broke off all relations with the U.S. in 1965 and permitted North Vietnam to use it's eastern border to supply the Communist takeover of the south. In March 1969 the United States began bombing both the Sihanouk and Ho Chi Minh trails to stop the influx of supplies and sent soldiers to deal with the Vietcong head on.

After one year of continuous bombing violent government orchestrated anti-Vietnamese demonstrations took place in Phnom Penh the capital of Cambodia. The National Assemblies and government Ministries voted unanimously to depose Prince Sihanouk as Chief of State. Sihanouk, then in Beijing to gain support, sealed an alliance with his former worst mortal enemy. To regain his thrown with authority he sided with the Khmer Rouge and led Cambodia down one of the darkest periods in modern time. 

A French educated Cambodian Communist Saloth Sar, better known as Pol Pot, led the new Khmer Rouge government. The Khmer Rouge emerged in the 1970's as the most extreme and violent Indo-China revolutionary movement in its history. From 1973 to 1979 new violent and fanatical doctrines were imposed. These ideologies were buried in the psyche of the people beneath years of isolation, hatred of their neighbors, and war. Cambodia spiraled deeper into savagery as the war weary U.S. ended its bombing in 1973 paving the way for Pol Pot's new regime. By 1979 one third of the population was either murdered or displaced in violent attacks by the government. Cities were emptied out and millions of Cambodians were forced into slave labor camps as the world stood by and did nothing. The Khmer Rouge Regime was responsible for committing the worst genocide in the twentieth century second only to the Nazi's during WWII. In January 1979 Vietnam invaded its former ally and ended the reign of terror. After 35 years of continuous fighting the war in Southeast Asia was over and for the first time since WWII there was peace in the region.

We were sent to the isolated border region to find Vietcong and stop the influx of weapons. The chances of finding a base camp in such a remote area was nil but Delta was good at its job.

Hacking through dense jungle is hard but adding in a mountainous terrain makes it almost impossible.

Nighttime brings with it an eerie surreal enviroment of shadows and forms as apparitions appear and disappear. This was the stuff that nightmares were made of.

Dawn in triple canopy jungle is the equivalent of having a night light on. I had been up all night dealing with my apparitions and exhausted from both the night and the previous days adventure. My feet were bleeding and swollen but I had to go to work and ignore the pain. To add to our misery our hunger would also have to be ignored and wait for resupply helicopters to drop off our food. The clearing was about a half mile away. The jungle was to dense for landing and much to dangerous for any kind of a drop zone especially in the Vietcong's backyard. Half our unit was ordered to make the dangerous trek to meet the choppers leaving my point position open. I volunteered to stay behind and hold down the outpost while Peter and the others went on a two hour hike through dense growth.

My bravery came a distant second to the pain in my feet as I carefully unlaced the tension on the blood soaked canvass of my jungle boots. As I suspected my socks wouldn't come off without that outer layer of skin it was so fond. My raw feet were stinging from the damp morning air. Foot powder and bug juice were essential to the ground soldier and were probably made of the same smelly stinging ingredients. From the height of my boots to the tip of my toes my feet were bleeding from oozing pockets of clumped skin. Closing my eyes to the instant gratification of pleasure pain I wallowed in foot powder enjoying the moment. 

An explosion rocked my body followed by the clacking of AK-47's first from the front then flanking me to one side between me and my unit. The day began, like many others in Vietnam, with a violent firefight pitting men against each other without personal cause. I was now alone without Peter for the first time and separated from my unit. I had a bad feeling about this place. 

Intense heat threw my head back, left knee ripped out, calf exploded, hips displaced, and pain shot up my groin through the center of my spine and they kept shooting me. I was alone and both the Vietcong and I both knew help wasn't coming. I took another round as they kept my unit pinned down at a considerable distance. I was their bate lying in no-mans land to be dangled in front of the men. They shot me again for good measure. The firefight continued breaking the silence of the morning mist with that familiar smell of battle as gladiators, both champions for their own cause, went at it. Some stood, some fell, and still no one came for me.

I was not here and I was not there but peaceful in a new place watching from a comfortable height. The light was bright but not intense as it cradled me in serenity and allowed me to think in a rational calm venue and view the events of the day. Ever so slowly my men were inching closer and with a volley our medic got to me and cut my clothes off feverishly. Doing what he could he signaled the men to wrap me up in a pancho liner so be could attend to the others in need.

Returning without supplies my six man team attended to me immediately. They would go back to the drop zone again only this time they would carry my limp body and exchange it for food. I could see the horror in Peter's face and tried to comfort him but no words came out. I was here and I was there and I tried to talk to him. I knew I would leave with unfinished thoughts from the previous night. What would he do without me? How would he survive? I wanted to be ok for his sake after all we were a team from back home and we needed to see this through. 

I floated awhile longer with grace and ease and an uncanny ability to think at multiple levels. Thoughts of Peter, the men, all the days here, and home all came and went fluidly with a clarity of mind I never possessed before. Focussing on Peter I wanted him to know I was sorry for leaving him but again there were no words just a limp body wrapped in plastic. I knew my time here was done, unfinished but done. I'm sorry Peter. 

Peter, Dave, and two others put me on the chopper along with a few other men wounded from our sister unit. Still limp I was first to be put on so I got the bottom rack while the others were locked in above me. Garcia was shot in the throat and bleeding all over me in sporadic bursts that the medic couldn't control. I had no place to go so his blood mingled with mine and coagulated on the floor. He was in bad shape I thought and I wondered if he too was watching or had he already left and gone to another place. Pictures in my head was all I had then everything went away.

When I thought I've seen it all I'm confronted with yet another surreal tidbit of life that I try to wrap my head around. It is times like this that I feel the odds of becoming old are astronomical and given the countless obstacles that we confront from conception to death is astounding. Conceiving, disease, war, and the rigors of everyday life make me scratch my head in wonder and it is days like this that I hold so dearly for it is days like this I'm so very grateful.


When you call it S-21 it gives it a museum stop touristy feel but once you enter Security Office number 21 your pulled into a world of darkness unmatched by any Hollywood script. Welcome to hell. Pol Pot came into power as a direct result of the conflict in Vietnam. Drawn into the war out of neccessity Cambodia suffered more than any other country in Southeast Asia. Skirmishes with Cambodian forces along the border were commonplace but little did we know we were fighting what would be the future genocidal killers of the savage Khamer Rouge Regime. 

A row of cell blocks houses a couple of hundred prisoners and in total approximately 1,700 were contained tortured and sentence to death for the crime of being educated. If you could read you were considered educated and so you were beaten and tortured until you confessed. Only 4 people survived S-21 and 2 remain alive today to tell their story.

Cell block and torture room.

Meet Bou Meng one of only two survivors. I sat with Bou and through his interpreter I told him who I was and why I was here. He sat patiently and probably thought to himself, who cares, but there we were both survivors and both moving forward. We were close in age but he suffered a fate far worse than I. His family including his wife were killed in S-21 and yet he feels compelled to continue. I could feel his spirit was large and I absorbed as much of it as I could. This is the energy that we all need and it keeps us moving forward.

Bou testifying before the world court.

From S-21 I followed the route of some of its inhabitants to the quiet little village of Choeung Ek and walked through the orchards of a mogul pock marked landscape. If I were in a picnic frame of mind I would have sat under a shady tree and had lunch. This peaceful setting holds the remains of thousands of victims of genocide buried in mass graves. Each mogul I walked through was filled with hundreds of naked bodies small and large.

I looked down at the muddy earth and was shocked at what I saw. It had rained that morning and human remains were uncovered by the downpour on the very path I was using.

Selfie in the orchards, welcome to The Killing Fields.

I was in a room containing 9,000 human skulls and other body parts.

Thousands upon thousands of souls appear to be trying to get out.

Children were beaten against The Killing Tree and the savagery didn't stop there. It is believed that when you eat the hearts and lungs of your enemy you gain their strength.

My Cambodian experience rounds out the last week of my journey and as hard as it may be to see such atrocities it is a necessary evil to convey the full picture of the War In Southeast Asia. As a direct result of outside interest this region has suffered greatly and although compensation will never happen an honest forthright understanding of the facts is not asking to much. We as a society, although maybe not directly, helped create this upheaval and we should at least aknowledge our role. Then and only then do we move forward in earnest without guilt and understand the past so that we may better see the future.